Travel

Leopards

Leopard or panthers are possibly the most beautiful of large cats, found across Africa and Asia.

Though smaller than tigers, the Sri Lanka leopard is the largest to be found, if you can find it, as for the most part in Wilpattu, they can easily hide away in the scrub.

We were lucky enough to find the dominant male sleeping away the hot afternoon next to water.

It was not the closest sighting, but still wonderful.

For such remarkable creatures, they are shockingly difficult to spot without expert guides.

You know they’re somewhere in the undergrowth, within metres of you, possibly, but still until they move, or unless you get very lucky, viewings are always on their own terms.

And all around us, whilst we wait for the leopard to pose, the life of the other animals continues.

Home

A Vulgarity

For the last week or so, the most notable visitors to the bird table (yes, I’m old) have been starlings. Growing up they were regarded as really very common birds, of no real interest to anyone, but they’re now on a red list having seen an 80% fall in numbers.

At first glance, they were an odd crowd indeed with the dark speckled adults mingling with dull brown fledglings that seemed to have outgrown their parents. It looked for all the world as if two different species had suddenly decided to flock together.

Starlings lay eggs, hatch and fledge their young all at much of the same time presumably to maximise their chances in the face of predators. An entire flock of starling parents on the look out for cats (or whatever) will be more vigilant.

It makes for a noisy garden. They can only really access the open mesh feeder so the smaller tits still have a decent food supply, once the mob of starlings has flown off but at the moment I’m just enjoying them interact.

There are a number of collective nouns for a group of starlings, starting with a murmuration of starlings for those wonderful mass flights that seem more like abstract art in the skies. From the sounds in my garden, this lot could definitely qualify as a chatter of starlings bt my favourite, based on the almost continuous squabbling from the fledglings is a vulgarity of starling.

That feels just about right.

Rants&Rambles

Privileged Problems

North London is a great place to live. For all of the criticism levelled at London in general (too busy, too dirty, too diverse, too much of everything really) it remains a great place to work, to live and raise a family.

Yet every family reaches that stage where the kids are grown and ready to settle down on their own and North London is fiercely expensive, unaffordable on almost kind of salary for a first home, not so much for the mortgage cost but rather the need for a deposit, a lump sum reassuring the banks that they will get their money back even if prices fall somewhat.

The Dance 1988 Paula Rego born 1935 Purchased 1989 http://www.tate.org.uk/art/work/T05534

My daughter’s beau started out working in the City on a huge salary but, for one reason and another, he left and is now re-starting life as a civil servant on a much more modest salary. By London terms, their pay is okay at around £40k each. In national terms that makes each of them above the median wage of around £35k, yet faced with an average house price of £725k even a combined salary of £80k is not enough.

Obviously they wouldn’t be buying an average house. But that average includes a lot of houses quite a long way away from me, and in an ideal world, I’d want my kids to live close by and to be a useful sort of grandmother if they chose to have their own kids.

North London is expensive.

So privileged wealthy parents want to help their kids buy their first house. Most of them. I’ve definitely come across some who are entirely unwilling to chip in, even when their kid’s partner is getting considerable help from their parents. And I can see where they’re coming from, having set their children up with expensive educations etc: they feel they’ve already done their part.

My Parents 1977 David Hockney born 1937 Purchased 1981 http://www.tate.org.uk/art/work/T03255

But I want my girl to live close by. Both of them honestly, but one has already up sticks and moved to Newcastle so unless or until she moves back, there’s nothing I can do to change things for her so I’m focusing on the eldest.

Chatting with people (everyone, honestly) of the same age, whatever the wealth or lack thereof, we’re all struggling with the same issue. There seem to be a couple of options.

Allowing the kids to use a property owned by their parents. I’m certainly not rich enough to have a spare flat or house in London, but I know people who do. By offering the kids a flat to live in, they keep control of the asset but can keep their kids safely close by. One step towards this is buying a house with the children, that is, owning a share, perhaps a controlling share, in the property they buy. Even if I had the money, I’d hate the option. Aside from just not wanting the hassle of another house to manage, the children are kept as dependents. It feels controlling.

Outright gifts. A friend has basically bought a flat for her three kids and put the deeds in their names. I don’t have the money for this but if I did, it would still feel a bit too much, over generous. I don’t have any hang ups about giving them money or assets, but owning a house outright at the age of twenty five would mark them out from their peers in a way that brings its own issues. It feels as if they should have some of their own skin in the game, have to work and maybe take some personal risk to create their own home. I would want my privilege to cushion the bumps in life for my kids, not insulate them from reality. It does feel okay to help with the deposit though, as an outright gift.

Loans. A friend, accepting that their daughter would never earn enough to buy in London, decided to lion her enough money to buy a flat. Having a legal husband (barrister, now judge) they wrote up an agreement and instead of paying money to a bank or building society, she pays them. They decided that interest wasn’t important to them, just a straight forward repayment schedule. Hmm. I quite like this idea as a way to help the daughter whilst not removing too much autonomy. Maybe a loan secured on the house bought would work best.

Her situation is a bit complicated by her beau, who wants to live with her and build a life with her in a house owned 50:50, without parents who are willing to match what we’re willing to give. Hmm.

I’m stuck wondering how that works out five years down the line if they break up. Suppose that we Make them a loan, no interest, for £400k for which they both are liable, secured on the house. Do we have to arrange it so that we loan her £200k and him £200k to make them both independently liable?

In five years time, he would have to repay his share of the loan but would also walk away with 50% of any capital gain on the property, earned though our generosity. Do I care enough about that to refuse to help? Are any of the alternatives any better? I don’t mind transferring my wealth to my children but other people’s children are not my responsibility, surely? Though he is a lovely boy, and treats her very well.

Privileged problems.

Travel

Wilpattu

We went to Sri Lanka at the wrong time, for the right reasons. I wanted to see leopard and the daughter was not interested in the kind of small plane flights required in Africa. Sri Lanka was mentioned as an option where we could basically drive (or be driven) from one safari park to another.

Then of course whales were mentioned. It’s a tropical island that sticks out into the depths of the Indian Ocean and blue whales are commonly spotted offshore. And not long after, super-pods of spinner dolphins joined the discussions.

None of this made travelling in march a good idea. It was fine looking just at the headline temperature of 30C but a lot less fine when joined with 85%+ humidity. We coped.

Full-day safaris reduced down to very early mornings and a single disastrous night safari, starting in Wilpattu which was fairly empty of people though with more dense scrub, also harder to spot the larger mammals.

Thankfully there were plenty of other creatures around to spot, and try to photograph with the new mirrorless camera not least a cobra (spectacle) that scared the living daylights out of both of us.

More than anything, the birdlife is the one reliable photograph just waiting to happen which is ironic given how totally useless my attempts were to practice with my new camera on birds back home.

Macaques can be found everywhere, especially where people and food congregate, but they are certainly photogenic.

But the star of the show is always going to be the leopard.

Rants&Rambles

Average

Dear God (dess) send me the grace of a perfectly average man,

overweight, rather short, fond of cereal and sliced ham.

Send me the confidence of the inadequate and over-valued,

Paid for all of his thirty-nine hours,

Praised for the sixteen hours scraped away at home,

and assumed the next sixteen spent watching the woman work,

On and on, while he watches telly

And she raises the kids.

Send me the honest bewilderment of a man recently divorced,

By the woman, on average, twelve years in, fifty years old and kids still to raise

Can you really be that bad, that useless,

For her to make a rational decision to lose your wage and raise the kids

Alone and poor,

rather than spend the time and emotion on you as well.

Lady, send me the gob-smacking arrogance of the middle aged man,

who sits down at the table and says to the woman on his right,

“Let’s talk about me!”

Home

Autumn Bulbs

So the bulbs have arrived, ordered maybe six to nine months ago, there is absolutely no chance of me remembering what I intended to do with them all.

There are three basic tulip beds:

cold colours (pink, purple, white)

30xTulip Queen of Night 11/12 cm to be split 20:10 between the two main tulip beds, 20xTulip Angel’s Wish elegant whites, 20xTulip Yosemite: pink late bloomers

hot colours (red, orange, yellow)

10xTulip Ballerina 10/11 cm: and elegant orange fluted tulip, 10xTulip Ronaldo 11/12 cm: dark early-ish, 10xTulip Princess Irene: orange red parrot tulip

And then there’s the rest of them.

wild tulips that I usually stick under hedges and into those places difficult to plant including Tulip Bakeri Lilac Wonder, Tulip Clusiana Peppermint Stick which have ended up planted into the gravel on the garage roof

Bulbs for the meadow this year include:

Triteleia Corrina (Brodiaea) Why 50? I can vaguely remember thinking that they’d look good lining the path cut through the meadow along with Allium Cowanii x50 of these smallish alliums for the meadow, to line the path.

Camassia Cusickii x10 for the meadow, to be threaded through the grass in threes and Narcissus Barenwyn 50 very old fashioned, and rather late season daffodils.

Dutch Crocus Jeanne D’ Arc x25 White & lovely, Crocus Etruscus Zwanenburg x25 Bright & purple

But then maybe instead of the meadow, some of the smaller bulbs should make there way to the gravel

Narcissus Tete a Tete Again 50, tiny narcissus

Iris Reticulata Harmony Really 50? Could I not think up a smaller number?

But then there are the alliums that I haven’t really a plan for, other than remembering how lovely they looked in amongst the roses.

Allium White Giant (Stipitatum) just three but maybe these can grow in amongst the meadow rather than roses. Allium Giganteum, again just three so maybe to mix with the white giants. I have three wire cloches that I use to plant into the grass and protect from the squirrels through the Winter, so maybe two alliums in each basket? Possibly with a ring of crocus around the outer edge, maybe even a daffodil or three.

Food

Easy Coffee Bundt 

Sock-It-to-Me Cake 

Time2 hours

This vintage cake recipe is part basic pound cake, part coffee cake but with a crunchy brown sugar-pecan blend is inside the cake — rather than on top — for tidier eating and a better bite. It’s inviting on its own, and perfect for coffee or brunch, or dessert. Make it for a group of people you love, or people you’re just getting to know. They’re going to ask you all about the recipe.

Ingredients

12 to 16 servings

  • 3cups/344 grams cake flour, plus more for coating the pan
  • 1teaspoon baking powder
  • ½teaspoon baking soda
  • 1teaspoon fine sea salt
  • 1cup/100 grams chopped pecans
  • ½cup/110 grams dark brown sugar
  • 2teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 1½cups/340 grams unsalted butter, at room temperature
  • 2½cups/525 grams granulated sugar
  • 5large eggs, at room temperature
  • 1tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1cup/250 milliliters sour cream, at room temperature
  • Nonstick cooking spray, for greasing the pan
  • 2cups/184 grams icing sugar, sifted
  • 2teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 1½teaspoons milk, plus more as needed

Preparation

  1. Place a rack in the centre of the oven and heat the oven to 350F degrees.
  2. Sift together the cake flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt into a medium bowl.
  3. In a small bowl, toss together the pecans, brown sugar and cinnamon.
  4. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the butter, about 5 minutes, scraping down the sides as needed. Add the granulated sugar and mix until light and fluffy, another 2 minutes, scraping down the sides. Add eggs, one at a time, waiting until each is fully mixed in before adding the next. Add the vanilla extract. Add the flour mixture in 3 batches, alternating with half the sour cream, starting and ending with the flour mixture.
  5. Generously spray a 12-cup Bundt cake pan with nonstick cooking spray and coat lightly with some cake flour, tapping out any excess over the sink.
  6. Scoop half of the cake batter into the prepared pan, smoothing it out, and spread the pecan mixture evenly over the top. Top with the remaining cake batter, spreading it in an even layer, and tap the pan on the counter to release air.
  7. Bake until a skewer inserted in the centre of the cake comes out clean, 50 minutes to 1 hour.
  8. Remove the cake from the oven and let cool in the pan for 10 minutes. Run a butter knife along the edges of the cake to make sure it isn’t sticking to the pan. The cake should naturally start pulling away within a few minutes of being out of the oven. Un-mould onto a rack set over a baking sheet, and let cool to room temperature.
  9. Make the glaze: To a medium bowl, add confectioners’ sugar, vanilla and milk, and stir until smooth. If the glaze is too thick, add more milk. You want it to be thin enough to coat the back of the spoon. Pour over the cooled cake and serve.
Rants&Rambles

Becoming Angry

How much longer must I spend my time

Pretending the man sat next to me is interesting.

How much longer must I spend my time

Looking after someone else, anyone else

children, parents, him.

As the body sags and settles into itself

and the fire inside burns hotter

day by day, year by year, decades pass.

Begrudging every minute,

As I see the same path mapped out for my daughters.

Sing out my soul, let the humble rise up

Now,

Not later, not constantly waiting for changes that never come,

How much longer must we wait for nothing more than our due

Growing old, waiting

For the never-ever promises

Give me my time, my space to be me

not someone’s mother or lover,

Now.

Do not make me wait for something you know will never come

Old women are too often angry women,

fuelled by broken promises and dreams

And the not-apologies of men.

Rants&Rambles

Add Food

Item satsuma:

50 1 satsuma,Satsuma, or

28, 1 fruit, Asda, or

53, 100g Sainsbury, or

Bigger, fatter, juicier?

It’s only a fucking orange, easily peeled.

10 minutes, thinking, considering, counting

Working through the trade-offs.

Item: potato:

265, 1 medium, jacket

92 100g jacket

278, 1 medium, homemade

Oh for fucks sake. Is that with or without butter?

Another five minutes thinking about what it means to be a large potato in a preferably small world

Lose weight they say.

Calories in, calories out.

It’s just will-power, they say.

Looking at you and finding a lack.

As if a worldwide epidemic could be fought patient by patient,

could be reduced to nothing more than positive thinking

and paying attention.

Each pound of fat worth 3500 calories,

almost two days worth of eating, restricted.

Assuming we’re average, which clearly we’re not.

And fat cells never die, did you know?

We add them as we put on weight,

but when we lose they just shrink

like a sponge squeezed free of water.

And they keep sending out these messages to the brain,

Screaming feed me!

Feed me! FEED ME!

What does it mean when it is the fat that is hungry not the person carrying it?

Will power.

An entire industry set up to make us eat,

and once we’re fat our own bodies do their work for them.

Cos the only way to be slim, is to stay slim.

But the bastards tell us all we need is willpower,

The power of an individual person’s mind to defeat an international superpower,

The power of an individual’s will to defeat their own body’s screams,

not once but always.

Each day. Every day.

Will power.

Rants&Rambles

Incel Boy

Learn to ask better questions,

And listen to the answers,

So many answers.

Listen to the stories women tell,

To their needs

Be sufficient.

Move yourself off centre stage,

And let someone else be lead

For once.

Take up a hobby, an interest,

No dragons or dungeons,

Or porn.

Volunteer and be useful,

Old people, sick people,

Find value.

Maybe travel far away

And enjoy an adventure

Solo is okay.

There are worse things

Than to be happily single

So be happy, single.

And maybe move out of your mother’s house,

Shower more often,

Stop killing

Nice chat.